To one and all

Since I don't have the energy to thank each and every angel in my life, I will try this way.
I am taking care of myself
The books tell me to
My family tells me to
My friends tell me to
My  colleagues tell me to.
So I am doing my best
Even though I don't want to
I only want the one thing I can't have

What keeps me getting up each day
and brushing my teeth..
The incredible attention from my kids
Being put back together in Seattle by friends
Yet another card in the mail
A friends dream of Mark
A Mexican dish from a marimba friend
Dinner after my  massage
Yoga and walks with friends
A friend checking in on me at lunch every day
Emails of support
Offers of places to get away
Offers to talk
Offers to listen
Phone calls from my family and friends
Dinner with my bridge girls
Even kind words from my dentist

They say it will get better. I wonder when.
When will I not feel blown apart
Tossing in a sea of "normal" people
Minute by minute I keep going..

So this is how I do it even when I don't want to
Kids
Grandaughter
Friends
Parents
Siblings
All of you who care
 Thank you and Love to you

What I don't know and what I know

What I Don't Know:
How I will survive
Why Mark had to go
How he got cancer
How can I live without him
Will the pain ever stop
Will I ever stop crying


What I Know:
How much I love my family in Florida
I have the most amazing children
They are at my side constantly
So many people cared about Mark
So many people care about me
My message box was full when I got home
With offers of food, walks, movies, love
Friends at Alki want to help me come back to work
With all I have to be thankful for, maybe I will survive.