Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Goodbye Again



               On Saturday February 23, we took some of Mark's ashes up to an old growth forest on Mt. St. Helens.  Micah wore Marks orange pants and Conor his orange gators and Bree his skis. 
              The snow was powdery and perfect  . Micah cut the trail up to the grove of trees... "just          a little further."  The only thing missing was Mark.  He would have loved to be with us. 
 Maybe he was. 
  

Bree , Micah and Conor standing in the special spot we chose.  I see Mark every day in each of you. Your humor and your wisdom and the way you each treat other people are just like your dad. You all look like him too.  He will influence our choices forever.
Our hand made monument to Mark
The ashes.  Mark would go to this grove of trees and talk to his dad after he died in 2004. Micah and I had both been up there with him before. This time it was a heart breaking yet beautiful day.
Leaving. Ashes, teardrops and ski tracks still there.
It didn't occur to me until on the way out that this is the name of the trail we were on.  It is indeed  Papa bear trail for our family.
Goodbye again dear. We love you and miss you so.

Friday, February 22, 2013

To one and all

Since I don't have the energy to thank each and every angel in my life, I will try this way.
I am taking care of myself
The books tell me to
My family tells me to
My friends tell me to
My  colleagues tell me to.
So I am doing my best
Even though I don't want to
I only want the one thing I can't have

What keeps me getting up each day
and brushing my teeth..
The incredible attention from my kids
Being put back together in Seattle by friends
Yet another card in the mail
A friends dream of Mark
A Mexican dish from a marimba friend
Dinner after my  massage
Yoga and walks with friends
A friend checking in on me at lunch every day
Emails of support
Offers of places to get away
Offers to talk
Offers to listen
Phone calls from my family and friends
Dinner with my bridge girls
Even kind words from my dentist

They say it will get better. I wonder when.
When will I not feel blown apart
Tossing in a sea of "normal" people
Minute by minute I keep going..

So this is how I do it even when I don't want to
Kids
Grandaughter
Friends
Parents
Siblings
All of you who care
 Thank you and Love to you











Friday, February 1, 2013

What I don't know and what I know

What I Don't Know:
How I will survive
Why Mark had to go
How he got cancer
How can I live without him
Will the pain ever stop
Will I ever stop crying


What I Know:
How much I love my family in Florida
I have the most amazing children
They are at my side constantly
So many people cared about Mark
So many people care about me
My message box was full when I got home
With offers of food, walks, movies, love
Friends at Alki want to help me come back to work
With all I have to be thankful for, maybe I will survive.





 

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Marks celebration of life


I wish I would have spoken at Marks service just so I could have gazed out at all who were there.
I felt the sunshine, the warmth and the love from so many people.
 I would have liked to stand before you all and look in everyone's eyes to see Mark reflected back at me.
I was stunned at how many came in honor of him and to support me and our family.
Some signed the guest book who I never even got to see.
Some came whom I had never met.
I was dazed by all of the kind things people shared with me.
I was numb with the pain of so much loss.
But I was touched by the collective sniffles and laughter that I could hear.
I know that I will  laugh and cry with many of you again.
I hope that in time as I see you, I will be able to still see Mark  reflected back at me.
Thank you for attending and being in Marks life and in mine.
Kathy

Friday, January 18, 2013

My Heart

My heart is indeed broken
Before I see many of you tomorrow
know that my heart is also overflowing
with gratitude because of you.
Before I was even up this morning
there was a knock on the door
Sunrise bagels and cream cheeses.
You all keep showing me through food,
letters, gifts, your time and hugs
that the sun is still rising in my life.
The love that you all have for Mark
has extended itself to this grateful family.
Thank you
See you tomorrow
Love,
Kathy


Friday, January 11, 2013

the magical mystical night

It has been a week..

Let me tell you about Mark's magical, mystical passing.
Would  you like some music?
Let's call Jennifer.
Jennifer and her harp were here in minutes.
She played for Mark and me and Bree, Ginny, and Mark's sister Sandy.
Mark said "here I am with all the women"
Then Micah came
and the hospice nurse.
She explained to all of us what the next few days would likely bring....
She was honest with us and Mark was a part of that conversation.
Mark left us peacefully about half an hour later.
I believe he did not want to prolong pain and suffering for himself or any of us.
The kids and I held and talked to him to his last breath.
Conor was on his way from Seattle and was with us shortly after.

Jennifer came back that evening and played for Mark while we all just sat and cried.
We lit a candle and felt his spirit in the room.
It was magical
It was mystical
Friends came and held us all
There were tears and laughter and oh that harp music and angelic voice.

People left
Our eyes were swollen
Our rooms were full of friends sleeping
Bree and I camped out in the living room and watched as the candle burned out.
I kept looking out the tall windows into the trees.
It was foggy and mystical
I knew Mark would be outside somewhere.

And now we carry on, the kids and I.
With all the food, hugs, calls and support from all of you,
it has been impossible to just give up.
We will see many of you at the celebration of Mark's life.

I want to thank ALL of you right now for loving Mark and
being in his life.
And to thank ALL who have called, sent notes, cards, and goodies
and cooked meals for this family.









Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Mark Moments Education Fund

For those of you who have been asking about contributions in memory of Mark, he asked to have a fund set up for his grandchildren's college education. We have set up a fund through Chase bank for anyone who wishes to donate.

1. Checks, payable to Kathy McLean for "Mark's Education Fund".

906 NE 132nd St
Vancouver, WA 98685

2. Visit any local Chase bank and you can make a donation directly to the account #2923270530. 



Thanks,

Mark's Family



Tuesday, January 8, 2013

UPDATED- Mark's Celebration of Life.


Our family appreciates the outpouring of support from Mark's fans. It has been keeping all of us going these past 2 months. Please know how thankful we are. 

Mark's Celebration of Life 
Updated time and location

Saturday, January 19th, 2013
3:00pm
811 NE 112th Ave. #200 
Vancouver, WA 98684

Potluck will follow. If possible, please bring a dish to share (no kitchen facilities). 

The celebration will include a time for people to share short comments in honor of Mark's life. 

In lieu of flowers, Mark has requested that donations be made to the Mark Moments Education Fund for his current and future grandchildren. Details on how to make a donation will follow here and be available at the celebration. 

** The family is also planning a trip to Sandpoint this summer to celebrate Mark's life there. Folks in that area can stay tuned. 

Monday, January 7, 2013

Mark's Celebration of Life

Our family appreciates the outpouring of support from Mark's fans. It has been keeping all of us going these past 2 months. Please know how thankful we are. 

Mark's Celebration of Life 
*updated*

Saturday, January 19th, 2013
3:00pm
Seton Catholic College Preparatory High School

811 NE 112th Ave. #200 
Vancouver, WA 98684

Potluck will follow. If possible, please bring a dish to share. 

The celebration will include a time for people to share short comments in honor of Mark's life. 

In lieu of flowers, Mark has requested that donations be made to the Mark Moments Education Fund for his current and future grandchildren. Details on how to make a donation will follow here and be available at the celebration. 

** The family is also planning a trip to Sandpoint this summer to celebrate Mark's life there. Folks in that area can stay tuned. 




Saturday, January 5, 2013

in lieu of...

In lieu of flowers, per Mark's request, we will be setting up an education fund for his grandchildren. Details to come.

Love and Light

On Friday afternoon we lost our dear husband, dad, grandad, friend, teacher, and mentor. He had a peaceful passing, surrounded by family, love, light, and harp music.

Thank you for your support, prayers, thoughts, and love. We will update you on the celebration of Mark's life as we know more details in the next few days.

We love you Mark. We are all better people from having you in our lives.