Good News

My Gerson Clinic schedule has been changed.  I now go December 1-15.  I am so thankful I do not have to wait another 2 weeks.

It's been a busy week in Lake Woebegone

This has been one of the most emotional and physically challenging weeks I have had.  It began last Friday with a phone call from Micah, telling us Maya's mother Rebecca died in her sleep.  I had to call Bree and Kathy home from work, and we had a crisis intervention meeting to determine how best to deal with her.  After picking her up from her school day care, Micah told her at our kitchen table.  Our friend Judy, a licensed MSW, was staying with us at the time and was a huge help finding resources and navigating us through the next few days.  Maya has been a typical 5 year old, asking us if we are sad, reminding us her mother died, but mostly being busy playing and running around.  She will begin a children's grief group Monday, and Micah (and partner Brittany) will be in an adult group.

The week ended on Thanksgiving with my closest friends from Seattle (we all moved out west together back in 1976 and have been doing Thanksgiving at our house for years together) bringing all the food and sharing their company.  I have such "real" friends.  The quality of our relationships, the love and laughter we share is precious, not just with them but with so many who have called or come over or send blessings.  I sat on the couch while 12 hungry eaters went at it--and I had fun listening as they did.  It was a Thanksgiving I think we all will remember.

It is now Sunday.  It is hard for me to concentrate long enough to finish a posting.  My physical condition has been a struggle, to say the least.  Due to constant abdominal bloating caused by the cancer, I am uncomfortable all the time, and it has become painful when I don't get the enema relief I count on getting.  This also keeps me awake many nights.   Friday evening I only slept two hours. This makes for a miserable day the following day.  So we tried something new.  Every other day I can take castor oil:  2 Tbs by mouth at 6:00 am and 4 Tbs with the enema at 11:00 am.  Did that clear me out!!  I could not believe the volume of liquid and gas that  I released, both at 11 and at 3:30.  The stench that came from inside my body was so vile I couldn't believe it.  But this is good news, because it is a clear sign my body is rebuilding,  dissolving tumors, and flushing toxins.  It is how I know I am healing.  The healing is a slow process, as my liver must process and filter our all these toxins without going on overload and giving out.  Susan comes to my house each week to do acupuncture, Jeff does energy work, many of you pray.

Most patients at the Gerson institute get admitted within 2 weeks of being accepted.  I was accepted  November 7 and my two weeks came and went.  I am not scheduled to arrive until December 11 (but am still visualizing Nov. 30 or before).  Most patients with my condition stay for up to 3 weeks.  I am scheduled for only 10 days.  This is due to the busy time of year, they are small and only have beds for 10 patients at a time, and they close December 21 until January.  Given these circumstances, Rodger and I decided I needed to begin treatment from my home.  Although we are not up to the maximum juices/enemas called for with patients who have cancer, we are getting close.  Because I cannot be under their direct medical supervision until I have been admitted to the clinic, we are having to make many decisions on our own and problem solve when things don't go by the book.  I admit there are times when I get frustrated or impatient and don't know what to do to best take care of me.  That is when I rely on my support network to help me through.  Sometimes my relief is only a couple of hours until the pain returns, but knowing I can get relief helps keep me going during my tough times.  So far I have been able to hold out and not take any pain medication (again following Gerson guidelines).

Remember, this is not about me being sick and getting ready to die.  Nothing could be further from the truth. I  may be weak and in pain, but I have not lost the sparkle in my eyes.  People do not come here to see me for a last time and leave in tears.  Instead they leave energized. This household is a vibrant place where Rodger, Kathy and Bree lead the food buying and preparation, organize and train workers for the kitchen, take care of me--all while they lead their normal busy lives.  This place is an energy unit, all working for a common goal--to save my life. People who come stay here thank us for letting them be a part of my healing experience.   My job is to maximize my nutritional intake, sleep,  minimize my discomfort/pain, and remember to "step  back and let Him lead the way."  This is not something I am doing by myself.   I have an army of family and friends who work together as an inspired team.  I am surrounded by so much love I can hardly stand it.  Through your gifts, cards, time, and genuine caring we are making this happen.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Guest post

Judy Alexander	10:14 PM (12 hours ago)

Greetings to those who love Kathy and Mark!

I have spent the last 3 days staying with them to support Mark's juicing regime, and Kathy's need for reprieve from the stresses of this new twist to their lives.  I thought I might write what I have learned, being here, since there will be an ongoing need for people to do what I have done, and to adapt, along with Kathy and Mark, to the changing needs of their situation.

To begin with, I see these two loving souls beginning to wrap their heads (and hearts) around how very many people care for and about them.   This, in itself, has been a fair sized challenge for them.  Having been more accustomed to being givers than receivers, the outpouring of love and assistance from friends of theirs from so many arenas of their lives, has been overwhelming, but in a good way.  So, thank you to all of you who have called, sent cards, made and delivered food, stepped in to be trained in the juicing regime, offered to loan or fix things - - you probably cannot completely realize how much this support both means, and, how much it is also needed.  Just know you are appreciated more than you know.

The juicing regime is daunting!  Mark needs 8 ounces of freshly made juice every hour or two, 9 times a day now, increasing to 13 once he returns from the Gerson Institute.  Each juicing process takes about 15-20 minutes to complete.  The juice machine is top of the line effective, has a two step process, after which, each time, the machine needs to be cleaned for the next use.  Training is necessary for all this.  The vegetables need to be scrubbed with filtered water, and weighed for each dose, then wrapped and refrigerated until time to use them.  Different juices are made for each serving, and are combined with up to 5 or 6 different supplements, all tracked on a chart.  Coffee enemas happen 3 times a day with the coffee needing to be heated to body temperature before each use.  In addition to these daily routines, Mark also eats 3 meals a day when he has the strength to eat the food.   Although the food is repetitive and prescribed, it too, takes forethought and timely preparation.   One aspect of this that I was not aware of ahead of time has to do with how many times a day your hands are in and out of water.  Everything needs to be cleaned and washed with care to not expose Mark to unnecessary germs.

The sheer number of things to keep track of, timewise, is more than you could probably imagine, even reading this.

It is a complete honor to assist in this care giving.  Mark and Kathy are very aware of, and appreciative, of the help and support being given.  They need our love and care in whatever ways we have to offer, yet the help, itself, does need scheduling and management.  It looks as if Kathy has juicing teams lined up, now, for most of the time through the end of the week after Thanksgiving by people, who, like me, are staying over for a few days, including their kids being home for the Thanksgiving holiday.  Beyond this time, there is nothing on their calendar for juicing help.  If people want to be trained in the process, this can be set up ahead of the date(s) when you might want to cover the juicing detail with coverage of even parts of days being useful...  I have observed that the scheduling is its own challenge, and could easily contribute to extra stress if not well managed.  These guys are not yet fully able to utilize all that is being offered, so be patient if you offer something and do not hear back right away. Their needs change moment to moment sometimes, so asking what is needed is appreciated.

For those who cover juicing detail, know that it is good for Kathy to be able to leave - to exercise, or just turn the page from her consistent focus on Mark's well being.  She is still working full time teaching, which is a good departure from the 24/7 routines at home, but without clear back up, it is all too easy for her to overdo it once she gets home, too.  This is a long haul endeavor for these guys - with Mark envisioning being on this juicing detail for several months, up to 2 years to fully heal his cancer.  There will be ample opportunities to help in a multitude of ways.

Making meals for those who are still eating regular food, Kathy and various combinations of kids, grandkids, and juicing detail people, is really appreciated.... and having some advance scheduling for food being dropped off maybe 2 or 3 times a week, is extremely supportive.  At this point, their friend Allison is doing the scheduling for meals.  She can be reached at:  360-574-6957.  Vegetarian food is most welcomed if you want to prepare food.

Every day is a new day with new needs.  Some days are good ones, some are difficult.  At this point, Mark does a lot of resting and sleeping between juice doses as his nighttime sleep is not solid. His body is doing a lot of detoxing, which is good, but exhausting.   I did  what I could to help them set up useful "systems" to ease in meeting their needs.  Considering they are just two weeks in to this experience, they have already done a stellar job of setting up the kitchen and refrigerators for managing the influx of many many pounds of fruits and vegetables, and they now have two worm bins in back so the veggie pulp is getting transformed to great compost.  But stablizing efforts for the long term has yet to be tackled as that becomes possible.

Their friend Rodger has been a stablizing force in these early days.  Not only has he loaned his juicer to them, he shows up most days to do whatever he can, including coaching on the Gerson method.  And he will accompany Mark to Mexico.  THANK YOU Rodger....  And Rodger's wife Ruth keeps Mark in a supply of daily homemade soup.  THANK YOU Ruth.

One place everyone can be of assistance is in visualizing a spot opening up for Mark at the Gerson Institute on November 30th.  As it is now, he is only being promised a bed on December 11th, and he really would benefit from going sooner, and longer... We counted back 3 weeks from the day the clinic closes down for Christmas, and November 30th seemed like a good day for him to leave, assuming we had a collectively managed magic wand.  The institute recommends a minimum of a 2 week stay, with the option of a 3rd... hence the date in late November.  So please visualize Mark and his support person Rodger, flying off to San Diego on the morning of November 30th.  Perhaps we can help make this happen.  I know all would be greatly relieved to expedite his start date there.

Lastly, be prepared to be impacted by your contact with Mark and Kathy.  Moving within their circle of love for family and each other is an incredible heart opening experience.  And you may never look at food quite the same way, again.

Enough!  Too much, likely!  Let's make an unbeatable team to help these sweet ones we all love, survive and thrive well into 2013 and beyond....  they are depending on our love.  Judy Alexander

There is nothing to fear.

Twelve days ago when daughter Bree first heard about the Gerson healing program from Rodger, her comment was, "This is right up dad's alley."  Here's why she said that:

After bicycling across the country in 1976, Kathy and I fell in love with rural America.  We became part of the "back to the land" movement and settled outside Sandpoint, Idaho, where we embraced the lyrics of the John Prine song
     Blow up your TV.  Throw away the paper.
     Move to the country.  Build you a home.
     Plant a little garden.  Eat a lot of peaches.
     Try to find Jesus, on your own.

We became strict vegetarians, and I began juice fasting at least once a year for 7-10 days.  What did I live on during these fasts?  Carrot and apple juice.  I also did daily enemas.  We returned to Michigan after 12 years, where, despite vicious teasing from my co-workers, I continued the annual fast.  I did this for about 20 years total, until I was diagnosed with Candida and a Naturopath told me to give up fasting.

Little did I know at the time that I was training myself for the biggest challenge of my life--saving my life from an aggressive cancer.

I believe there is more than one path to wellness.  Many of you have shared information about healing plans you or loved ones have followed and successfully survived life-threatening illness.  I read these, and I am grateful for knowing about them.  I had a vision a day after learning of my tumors.  Shortly after, the Gerson plan was dropped in my lap and I recognized it immediately as my new path.  I am committed to this, I have been doing the nutritional therapy for 1 week now, and I have 103 more weeks to go.  I am still open to other healing approaches, but I know I need to pay strict attention to my chosen path as I do.  In a couple hours I have my first visit with an Oncologist/Hematologist and hope to learn more about what to expect in the upcoming weeks.

It was also in Sandpoint that we were introduced to "A Course in Miracles," which has become the foundation for my faith ever since.  We studied in a group, and I was given a gift in a song which has become my daily prayer/mantra, "I surrender to the love of God, flowing through my life."

Please know that I have the spiritual foundation, nutritional fortitude, family and extended support base all of you are providing, and the overwhelming gratitude coming from within that will enable me to rise above this challenge.  As the Course says, "There is nothing to fear, for there is only love."
To be continued.

Making progress

I have  had an uncomfortable couple of days, but this morning I have some energy.  Here is the latest:

Medical:
1.  Tests confirmed I have the most common form of pancreatic cancer.  Also many "abnormal" cells in fluid surrounding my liver that isn't supposed to be there.
2.  I have an appointment with an Oncologist/Hematologist for Thursday afternoon to learn more.
3.  I have been accepted into the Gerson Clinic in Tijuana, Mexico from Dec 11-21.  As this is almost 4 weeks away, I am on a cancellation list and hope I can go at an earlier date.  Rodger (pictured above) will be going with me.

I feel bloated much of the time, which makes eating very difficult.  I am getting plenty of nutrients from my 9 glasses of freshly made carrot and green juices I drink throughout the day.  But I do need to increase my intake of solid foods.  I have contacted the Gastroenterologist this morning to see if they can drain off some of the abdominal fluid (if they think this is what is causing my bloated symptoms).

A couple of friends who are local have brought vegetarian food for Bree, Kathy, and family, as taking care of my nutritional needs takes a lot of time (and this entire experience is emotionally draining to all).  Thank you for doing this.  If others would like to help in this way, our good friend Allison Oakes has offered to coordinate this effort.  She can be reached at 574-6957 or asoakes@juno.com

Yesterday we had a reverse osmosis water system installed, which is part of the therapy.  The microwave is gone, and our kitchen is a mini-production factory.

Long time college friend and fellow Michigander Jeff is staying here through Thursday to help take care of me while Bree and Kathy are at work.  Rodger  still comes daily to train others and to make his own juice.  Judy from Pt. Townsend arrives later Thursday and will stay until Monday.  Others have offered to stay or come for part-day shifts, so we are developing a schedule.  Taking care of me is proving to be a lot of work, and I am so appreciative to the loving and giving friends and family I have who are supporting me.  Thank you all.

After the first week

Friday:  Yesterday we went to the Gastroenterologist, who put a scope down my throat, bored through the stomach and into the pancreas, and took biopsy from both the pancreas and from fluid that was present around the liver (he said this fluid was not supposed to be there in a healthy person).  Afterward, he told us it was definitely stage 4 cancer, the fluid contained cancerous cells, but the pathologist was not able to tell on the spot which type of cancer it was.  Thus it will be a couple more days before they know.  They will refer me to the oncologist of my choice, and Dr. Shephard at OHSU has been highly recommended.

I am still waiting to talk with a doctor at the Gerson Institute to learn when I can be admitted.  I was told they are full through November and in to December already.  This means I will need to begin my therapy at home with the help of Rodger, who has been to their 3 day program, has the manual with specific procedures to follow, and has done the therapy for himself to help rid him of debilitating arthritis.

So, how am I doing with all this?  Believe me, I am eager to get started now and the past week of waiting for tests and still waiting has been frustrating.  It has given me time to meditate, pray, and gather more information from friends and on-line.  Many of you have left messages or have written asking me to call.  Talking to 3-4 people a day is about the maximum I can do for now.

Sunday:  as you can see, it is harder for me to keep up with this blog than I thought.  I am noticeably weaker than i was a week ago, meaning by late afternoon I am often on the couch.  I have begun my therapy at home under the guidance of Rodger.  Yesterday I did 6 juices and 3 coffee enemas, along with many supplements as prescribed in the Gerson plan.  I can tell I am already eliminating toxins. Much of my discomfort comes from eating, as I do not have much room in my abdomen to hold food.  Eating makes me feel bloated, but I know I must keep eating to keep up my strength.  I have oatmeal for breakfast, soup and salad for lunch, soup and salad and potato for dinner.  This is in addition to the juices (today our goal is 9 juices).  How quick i progress to the 13 juices/5 enemas per day plan will depend on the guidance I get from the Institute. And, I hope to  hear Monday as to when they can take me into their clinic.

Bree and Kathy were in the kitchen all day yesterday.  This is a labor intensive therapy, with someone else doing the labor.  Something that would help them out is for those nearby to bring food for the caregivers, because taking care of me is a full time job.  Since many have offered to help, we will try to set up a schedule.  Thank you in advance if you are able to help in this manner.  Once I hear from the Institute, we will also figure out a schedule if some of you want to become part of our kitchen schedule and learn how to juice and prepare my daily nutrition.

Please remember this is an emotional time for my entire family.  They have their ups and downs throughout the day, and we are taking this one day at a time.  But, although I may feel physically weak, my spirit is unchanged.  Throughout my time with the doctors, my daily discomforts, and my restless periods at night at no time have I been fearful.  I still continue to receive daily blessings, and I am nourished and revitalized through everyone's efforts.  The outporing is overwhelming, I am in tears with gratitude, and I must remember that this is my time to receive and heal.

Bree has added a feature--a box on the right--that hopefully will allow you to enter your e-mail address so you will receive e-mail notification each time I post a blog.  This will make it easier for you to follow.  Sorry I didn't know about that when I first set this up.

Visit to the doctor

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

My energy level was noticeably different when I awoke today than it was yesterday.  My little dinner I ate last night didn't settle well, and I realize how careful I must be with what solid foods I eat.  Today  I have my first appointment with the gastroenterologist before getting an endoscopy.   I began reading Healing the Gerson Way, and I realize how daunting this healing approach will be, not just for me but for whomever becomes my caregiver.  The amount of daily time devoted to preparing juices and food is almost a full time job.  This will either require a team of people who get trained and rotate, Kathy would need to take a leave from her job, or I would need to hire someone to be here all day.   I still must read more and ask questions, but the reality of this therapy is just starting to sink in.  These thoughts always happen on low energy days, when they are harder for me to think creatively and positively.

It is now late afternoon, and Kathy and i just returned from the appointment.  We had a great doctor who was honest and straight to the point.  He showed us my CT scan, pointed out the different organs, and identified the diseased areas.  His diagnosis:  this is cancer, and it is 90% likely it is the aggressive pancreatic cancer that has metastacised not only in two other organs but also in the fatty tissue of the abdominal wall.   In this type of situation, surgery is not an option.  After the official results, he will speak with any Oncologist we select and help us make that connection.  Chemo could help extend life up to two years.  

Stop!  Don't go there, because I didn't.  I was calm, and this pronouncement brought no fear to me whatsoever.  I explained to him I have chosen to attend the Gerson Institute and explained the natural healing concept behind it.  He said he practiced Western medicine, and he would tell me to pursue Chemotherapy, but it was important for me to feel comfortable with my choice and it was ultimately up to us how we want to proceed.  We left the office knowing that, had we not known about the Gerson Institute we would both be devastated.   We headed for Roger's house.  Roger is the person who introduced me to my the Gerson Way book, has attended the non-clinic part of the program, and has implemented a modified healing program to help recover from arthritis (which had prevented him from continuing his woodworking earlier this year).   When we arrived, Roger and his wife gave us a supply of their soup, supplements, and he assured me he wanted to be the person who accompanies me for 2 weeks as a my partner when I go to the clinic.  

It is still mind-boggling to me to realize someone is so willing to give of himself as Rodger is doing.  In the past 4 days I have been overwhelmed with prayers, support, meditations, and heart-felt conversations and messages from those who I was brave enough to initially reach out to last Friday.  I don't expect my journey to be an easy one (this is still a two year commitment I am making).  This is not an easy situation for the rest of my family to hear and live with.  But we are a close family, we come together, and I need their support and help (like washing and juicing vegetables).  I will give you more understanding of how much work this approach will entail in a later message.

The beginning

Monday, November 5.  Some of you have heard from me already, so parts of this will be redundant.

On Thursday, November 1 I received a call from Dr. Julieanne Thompson about 5:30.  I had met her 2 days prior when I went to see her because I had sore and tight abdominal muscles that weren’t responding to massage or chiropractic treatment.  She told me my spleen and pancreas looked fine but she wanted me to do a full abdominal CT scan, along with blood work.  Over the phone she said I had a mass (tumor) 3.9 cm in the tail of the pancreas, 2 masses 3.0cm each in the liver, and a smaller mass on the left adrenal gland.  My reaction?  Shock.  Disbelief.  Fear.  Tears.  Are you sure you have the right person?  I happen to be one of the healthiest people I know.  I have spent 35 years making sure I am healthy.  Yoga, fasting, vegetarian for 16 years, no red meat for the past 35 years, daily visualization for healthy body and mind, healing retreats.  I walk 2 miles daily, swim for 40 minutes 3-4 times a week, cross country ski, bicycle.  I am in great shape.   I even walked away from 2 jobs in my life that became too stressful, and the past 3 years I have lived as close to stress free as one can get.  I even healed myself from back pain when I was told I had no disk left and would require a spinal fusion.  Something’s not right here.

Are you worried about me?  Don’t be, please.  Thoughts and prayers, yes, but don’t spend a moment visualizing illness.  Because today I am actually doing great.  I woke up this morning with so much energy and excitement for the day that I couldn't go back to sleep.  I have had an amazing two days that I want to briefly share with you.  Friday evening I had an awareness.  Part of who I am is who I have chosen to be close to in my life.  That means all of you.  Sharing my life with others-- through work, music, community, family, extended family, and friendships—has always been an important part of my life.  Thankfully I was able to remember this on Friday evening, so I sent out a short message to some of you indicating what I had just been told.  The response I have received from you has been beyond heartwarming.  It has been healing.  After the first few hours Friday, my tears have changed from sorrow to joy.  The energy work, prayers, and just plain caring you have extended to me helped me verify that I am needed and loved and have so much more to do and live for.  On Saturday an angel appeared in our house, that is to say a messenger bringing a gift of hope.  He introduced me to the Gerson Institute.  Last night I watched with my family a DVD about an approach to healing  that totally resonated with me.  While I wait for an endoscopy scheduled for Thursday and its results, I will be applying to become a patient at their clinic in Tijuana, Mexico.  (You can read more online if you are interested).  I will remain open to western medicine and talk with expert medical doctors to learn what they can offer that is compatible with alternative healing.   Some of you may read this and think I have a screw loose, but I doubt there is anyone who has had a diagnosis of four tumors and has seen their energy level crash so fast who feels as great as I do today.

My short term goal is to have Bree help me set up a blog that I can post on so it will be easier to follow my journey for those who wish to do so.  I might add that Bree, after living in DC for 5 years, took a position with Housing and Urban Development in Portland that began Oct. 22.  She arrived on Oct. 20 with suitcases and boxes and has been staying with us until she finds a place to live in Portland.  What a blessing it is to have her here to help both Kathy and I during this life altering process.  This healing process I am choosing is going to be slow and labor intensive, and it will consume my life for two years. 

Thanks to those who have called or written.  I have only had the energy to talk with a few people per day, so I haven’t been able to get back to everyone yet.  Don’t give up trying. 

Mark