Saturday.
Yesterday started out to be a good day for me. I was eating more (prior to Thursday I had been eating less that 500 calories/day). Thursday I got over 1000 and was doing even better Friday. I got my abdomen drained that morning. I went to have dinner and suddenly got violently sick, upchucking over 15 times. I realized all the food/nutrition I had for the day was still in my stomach. So much for calories. By 9:00 pm I was in pain. I increased my oxycodone from 5 to 15 mg, and it still wasn't working. This continued throughout the night.
At 5:30 Friday I had a talk with God. I said 6 weeks ago I had gotten a voice saying you still had work for me to do here. I said my body was getting so weak (150 lbs) that I must turn around my nutrition immediately for this to work. I asked if I needed to either go into shut-sown mode or to gear up for a fight. I needed a clear sign so I could know for certain what I was supposed to do. Within an hour I was getting sick, and remained in pain all night. It wasn't the sign I hoped for, but it certainly was a clear sign.
Kathy and Bree got up, and I told them I could tell I was dying quickly. Then Micah came over, Conor got up and we had a family talk. Hospice came at 10:00 and we signed up. They transitioned me onto a time release morphine to better control my pain. My acupuncturist came to our house and gave Kathy, Micah, Conor and I treatments. What a great help she has been. My friend Jeff gave me energy work treatment, then I was asleep for the rest of the day and night.
If you would have asked me last week, I would have said going into shut-down was not even an option I was considering. So I was surprised as I'm sure you are that this is what I need to do. I'm trying to listen to my body and my internal spirit and do what I know to be the best.
This is a painful choice for me to make emotionally. I have had such a great life, surrounding myself with quality people while contributing in my small way to the betterment of society. It is hard for me to walk away from this.
I have no idea how long the process of shutting down will take (hospice said days or weeks). We will keep you posted on my progress. Thanks for all you are doing for my family and for all your positive thoughts and prayers coming my way.
Mark,
ReplyDeleteAre you open to having visitors? I would love to come and see you.
John
That is John Shoup from Woodland ;)
ReplyDeleteWe love you Mark.
ReplyDeleteMark, you have shone your incredible light on so many for so long. I will never forget how loved and supported I felt by you when my own son was facing medical challenges; you helped my family get through an incredibly difficult time. You set such a loving and positive tone at Town Plaza, and it's never been the same without you. I've never met anyone quite like you, and I am lucky to have been able to work with you and get to know you. I wish only love, light and peace for all of you as you continue on this journey.
ReplyDeleteLove, Alyssa Brownlee, Clark College
Mark, our hearts ache for you and your family. You are loved in so many ways. Lynne and Ron
ReplyDeleteDear Mark and Family:
ReplyDeleteEver since Virginia sent me your blog, you have been in my healing prayers every day. Your blog has and continues to be a most humbling inspiration in ways you can't even begin to know. Just believe that you inspire many of us with your most gentle spirit.
God Bless all of you.
Sincerely,
Janet Wolf
"It has been said, 'Time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."
ReplyDeleteRose Kennedy
In the time we worked together what I took from you was the calm and peace you always present. It has gotten me through rough times both personally and professionally. You will forever be in my mind and heart. And there will always be a bit of pain that you were taken too soon from those who love you and from many others who will never meet and learn from you.
Sandy Kokko
Mark, I have been following your blog since you started it, hoping, praying, wishing for the best. You were a dear, good, sincere person in high school and so you have remained. I wish you and your loved ones peace and light and joy, my friend.
ReplyDeleteBetty Coffman Short
Mark,
ReplyDeleteLike Betty I've been reading your blog word for word. Over and over. Thank you for writing. I've been thinking about you all the time. I pray for strength for you and your family.
I also want to thank you for always being so sweet to me in school. I bet you don't remember when we went ice skating together. It was a high light for me. Seeing you at our reunion was wonderful. You did a great MC job. You helped make it a special night for all of us.
I'm sending you love, Marcia Siegal Franklin
From our amazing NFHS class of 69
Don't forget:
We are bold
We are fine
We're the class of 69!!!!
Kathy,
ReplyDeleteI want to see you and be with you so much. Will do so as soon as I get back on New Year's Day, if you are up to having a visitor. Blessings to you and Mark. Laura Lim
Mark,
ReplyDeleteLike the others I have been been grateful for your blog. It is so typical of you that even through an intensely difficult time you would share with others.
My selfishness cries out for another decision, another direction. But you have always been my better - in giving, in maturity, and especially in wisdom. Come what may your decisions and your actions will have my full support.
A cherished soul such as yours, attracting and nurturing so much love from so many, cannot ask us to set aside our sense of denial, nor can you give us the ability to forsake hoping for a miraculous reversal. But we can nonetheless be reminded to celebrate an extraordinary presence that has been a gift to our lives.
Thank you. For the irresistible, infectious smile. For the sense of community. For the joy. For the great lesson in life, and the way it should be done. And for the deeper capacity to know and to love.
To a dear and wonderful friend,thank you.
Alan Will
What a beautiful and heartfelt tribute to Mark. He so deserves this. Lynne Kay
DeleteI'm thinking of you Mark. Would very much like a update when possible. Love to you and your family. Love, Marcia Siegal
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ReplyDeleteMark,
ReplyDeleteMy kids and I wish you and your family peace and a return to happier times. We are all here for you and your family if you need anything.
Pam park
David and I are sending our best to the entire family as you go through this together. You have always been people who have supported and loved each other and others, and we hope this love and support is now coming your way in return. We are sure it is. Sending you all our love, from Martha and David
ReplyDeleteMark:
ReplyDeleteWhat I admire about you is that your every move is always filled with love and purpose. My hope is that this journey becomes increasingly easier so you are able to experience all who surround you with their love and appreciation for your positive example of how to live life! I want you to know that, although my delivery is nowhere near as gentle and kind as yours, I haven't given up in my efforts to show care and compassion in my life as you have in yours. My prayers are with you, Kathy, and your family. In closing, I just have to say, this sucks!!!
With much love, Beth Brisson
Mark,
ReplyDeleteYou are one of the kindest individuals that I have ever known. I have always cherished our time together as the Administrative Team at Gaiser Middle School. We had a hoot together along with a wonderful staff of caring individuals. You have been in my thoughts and daily prayers for the past 10 plus years and that is where you and your family will remain.
Love you buddy,
Ed Little
Mark,
ReplyDeleteWe’ve been following your blog ever since my Dad told me about it last month. We’ve admired your courage in publically discussing your situation and are glad you have such a wonderful family and support group surrounding you. Wishing things would have turned for the better after you returned from Mexico. Even though it’s been a number of years since we’ve seen each other, I still fondly remember my family’s visits to your folks house in Detroit as well as your family’s trips to our house in Pittsburgh. Family reunions, shooting baskets out back, all good times of our youth. May you and your family find the strength to get you all through the journey ahead.
Your cousin,
Glenn Gable
Mark and Kathy,
ReplyDeleteSix years ago we moved into this wonderful neighborhood in Salmon Creek and began to get to know our neighbors. You and your family have been a blessing. Watching the girls grow close over the past few years has brought us all a little closer together. It weighs heavy on our hearts that you have had to endure this journey over the past several months. Wishing you all our love ~ Lori, Duncan, David and Alison McKellar
Mark....i know you will be strong and follow where you must. I have between missing our friendship and wish for more time. Kathy, you too Are being so strong for mark and the rest of your family...i am certain your faith and strength will ease the challenges ahead....Nancy Warnstadt wishing and praying for you all.
ReplyDelete