It's been a busy week in Lake Woebegone

This has been one of the most emotional and physically challenging weeks I have had.  It began last Friday with a phone call from Micah, telling us Maya's mother Rebecca died in her sleep.  I had to call Bree and Kathy home from work, and we had a crisis intervention meeting to determine how best to deal with her.  After picking her up from her school day care, Micah told her at our kitchen table.  Our friend Judy, a licensed MSW, was staying with us at the time and was a huge help finding resources and navigating us through the next few days.  Maya has been a typical 5 year old, asking us if we are sad, reminding us her mother died, but mostly being busy playing and running around.  She will begin a children's grief group Monday, and Micah (and partner Brittany) will be in an adult group.

The week ended on Thanksgiving with my closest friends from Seattle (we all moved out west together back in 1976 and have been doing Thanksgiving at our house for years together) bringing all the food and sharing their company.  I have such "real" friends.  The quality of our relationships, the love and laughter we share is precious, not just with them but with so many who have called or come over or send blessings.  I sat on the couch while 12 hungry eaters went at it--and I had fun listening as they did.  It was a Thanksgiving I think we all will remember.

It is now Sunday.  It is hard for me to concentrate long enough to finish a posting.  My physical condition has been a struggle, to say the least.  Due to constant abdominal bloating caused by the cancer, I am uncomfortable all the time, and it has become painful when I don't get the enema relief I count on getting.  This also keeps me awake many nights.   Friday evening I only slept two hours. This makes for a miserable day the following day.  So we tried something new.  Every other day I can take castor oil:  2 Tbs by mouth at 6:00 am and 4 Tbs with the enema at 11:00 am.  Did that clear me out!!  I could not believe the volume of liquid and gas that  I released, both at 11 and at 3:30.  The stench that came from inside my body was so vile I couldn't believe it.  But this is good news, because it is a clear sign my body is rebuilding,  dissolving tumors, and flushing toxins.  It is how I know I am healing.  The healing is a slow process, as my liver must process and filter our all these toxins without going on overload and giving out.  Susan comes to my house each week to do acupuncture, Jeff does energy work, many of you pray.

Most patients at the Gerson institute get admitted within 2 weeks of being accepted.  I was accepted  November 7 and my two weeks came and went.  I am not scheduled to arrive until December 11 (but am still visualizing Nov. 30 or before).  Most patients with my condition stay for up to 3 weeks.  I am scheduled for only 10 days.  This is due to the busy time of year, they are small and only have beds for 10 patients at a time, and they close December 21 until January.  Given these circumstances, Rodger and I decided I needed to begin treatment from my home.  Although we are not up to the maximum juices/enemas called for with patients who have cancer, we are getting close.  Because I cannot be under their direct medical supervision until I have been admitted to the clinic, we are having to make many decisions on our own and problem solve when things don't go by the book.  I admit there are times when I get frustrated or impatient and don't know what to do to best take care of me.  That is when I rely on my support network to help me through.  Sometimes my relief is only a couple of hours until the pain returns, but knowing I can get relief helps keep me going during my tough times.  So far I have been able to hold out and not take any pain medication (again following Gerson guidelines).

Remember, this is not about me being sick and getting ready to die.  Nothing could be further from the truth. I  may be weak and in pain, but I have not lost the sparkle in my eyes.  People do not come here to see me for a last time and leave in tears.  Instead they leave energized. This household is a vibrant place where Rodger, Kathy and Bree lead the food buying and preparation, organize and train workers for the kitchen, take care of me--all while they lead their normal busy lives.  This place is an energy unit, all working for a common goal--to save my life. People who come stay here thank us for letting them be a part of my healing experience.   My job is to maximize my nutritional intake, sleep,  minimize my discomfort/pain, and remember to "step  back and let Him lead the way."  This is not something I am doing by myself.   I have an army of family and friends who work together as an inspired team.  I am surrounded by so much love I can hardly stand it.  Through your gifts, cards, time, and genuine caring we are making this happen.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.